Our Annoying World

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Puggles: The Twinkie of the dog world

The cuteness must end.

Look, I know . They’re snuggly, they’re soft, they’re affectionate — they say hilarious things on greeting cards.

But these man-made hybrids of Pugs and Beagles are soulless, genetically-modified pseudo-animals and they must be stopped. I don’t like human tampering in my tomatoes and I don’t like it in my puppies.

Plus, I saw Terminator 2. I know how this scenario plays out. Fifty years from now Puggles will rise up and overthrow the human race. They will develop the ability to morph their paws into swords, impersonate law enforcement officers, and drive around the Southwestern United States on motorcycles stabbing us through the eye.

So why must we risk the future of humanity because grandma thinks Malteses are too yappy?

Oh, and don’t get the idea that I’m just picking on Puggles.  This applies to all new-fangled hybrid dog breeds: Spitz-chows, Poinsetters, Collapsos. And especially any breed that ends in “poo.”

Somewhere there’s a brilliant scientist who decided not to work on the AIDS vaccine so he could devote his time to figuring out how to meld a Yorkie with a Springer Spaniel (a “Sporkie”?).  Nice job, fellas. Way to work that PhD.

(For those keeping track: on the Historical Importance Invention Scale, Puggles fall somewhere between seedless watermelon and Funions.)