MY GRADE: …um… I forget…
My greatest fears in life are as follows:
- spontaneous human combustion
- snakes
- sequel to Encino Man
- Zombie attack
- my TiVo crashing
- angry Albinos
- plague of locusts with just a hint of Zombie attack
- brocoflower
- Tangelos
- Grapples
- Okay, 90% of all hybrid fruit and vegetables
- angry Albino zombies
- contracting that Benjamin Button disease
- Celine Dion
- families with more than 15 children
- guys named “Skip”
- forgetting all my website login passwords
When I was growing up in the 80′s the only people who had to remember passwords were James Bond and Jamie Farr.
(Obscure reference police: Jamie Farr was a frequent guest on the television gameshow PASSWORD)
But nowadays any time I have to do anything I need to think of a new password and remember it. My checking account. My ATM. My email. My Facebook. My Twitter. My iPhone. My credit cards. This blog (FYI- you’ll never guess it. Okay. It’s the capital of Florida. Doooh!)
And you can’t use the same password every time. Why? Well, I’m not sure. But I hear it’s not safe. I guess if you’re kidnapped by identity thieves you’d only have to be tortured long enough to give up one password. Whereas if you’re kidnapped and tortured and you have 377 different screen names and passwords, the kidnappers get bored and/or confused and just release you.
Oh, and when choosing a password don’t use your birthday. Or your dog’s name. Or “password” for God’s sake. And change your password every month. (When expressing your dog’s anal gland? See previous post). And rotate your passwords, like your tires and your mattress. And don’t tell anyone. And don’t write them down. And don’t email them to yourself.
So here’s the long-term problem. I can barely keep track of all these passwords now. Who knows what will life will be like when I’m 80? (Well, except for the robot uprising, but that can’t be avoided.)
And no doubt by the year 2050 we’ll need a password just to log into our own optical cell phone/bank account/Playstation 700/brain microchip implant
Due to my own failing, faulty, wrinkled memory I’m not even going to be able to log into my own brain!
So I’m saying this here and now, readers:
Be my memory.
Remember: Tallahassee. You’re my only hope!
i think about this all the time because i have had to cancel so many accounts because i forgot passwords, then had already closed the email address they would email my new one to… but i never thought of it from this perspective. i’ll be screwed.
Hackett, so glad I could add to your paranoia
They make it worse when you have to use numbers, uppercase, or special characters. Oh wait sometimes you can use any of those either. How he hell are we supposed to remember everything?!
Have you seen the little fingerprint scanner things that remember all of your passwords for you? All kidnappers have to do is cut your finger off! Easy.
Yes that’s what really confuses me- the different standards for passswords on different sites. I couldn’t even use one password if I wanted to! And what if my fingertips melt? I’ll be screwed
There are password management applications to help you with that. For instance, I use 1Password for Mac, and I have different logins for all sites, and I don’t know 1 of them by heart. My twitter password can be 94lkkdJU![}$%= or something completely different.
Definitely something to check out!
But I would still worry that I would need to know them all if that program crashes the same way I wonder if I really know anyones cell phone number anymore. Ooooh a new rant!
The passwords can be saved in the cloud, I use Dropbox for that. This also makes sure they are synched across all my Macs. That would make it pretty secure when it comes to backup.
Same goes for contacts data, I use MobileMe to synch across the Macs and iPhone, and is saved in the cloud as well.
Marc – But what if someone hacks your Dropbox account, or there is some other situation where your DB info is compromised? Then that person has access to everything. Unless you encrypt the password list – but then there’s another problem, where to put the encryption key? It’s maddening. I tell you, the groin method is the ONLY method.
Funny post. Except the whole dog anal thing, which is actually my number one fear.
A few years ago I lost access to an old email account because I couldn’t remember the password and also couldn’t remember the made up answers to their stupid security questions.
I have since tattooed a list of rotating passwords on my groin. I figure the only people who will be looking there are probably of high enough clearance to access my various accounts.
Blog dad, groin is the way to go! That saying applies in almost any context