MY GRADE: 
"My God. What is that horrific smell???"
I have a strange quirk I’m going to share with you.
The first thing I think of whenever I read about a monumental event in world history?…
Boy, I bet it was real smelly back then.
We as a race of animal have a very short history of bathing appropriately. I’d say since the 1970′s we’ve cleaned up our act. And in many cases, we still haven’t (I’m looking at you, France. As a matter of fact, I don’t even have to look.)
Here, as a self-proclaimed historical hygiene scholar, I present to you a one-of-a kind list:
The Six Smelliest Events in Human History:
6. Attila the Hun marches through Gaul: I really know very little about the historical significance of Attila the Hun. But I do know one thing: there is not a smellier sounding word in all of world history than “hun.” And Gaul is the ancient term for France. When the French are the second smelliest army in the battle you know you’re in trouble.
5. The Great Depression: One word for you: hobos. They give huns a run for their money.
4. American Civil War: Shirtless men fighting in Georgia in the summertime. Gangreen. Lots of long beards and unkempt facial hair, globs of bacon grease and hard tack stuck in said beards. Need I say more?
3. World War I: A big medical problem during this time? Something called “trench foot.” When trench foot got worse sometimes it turned into “jungle rot.” Yikes. < dry heave> It was hard for me to believe there was a condition that sounded smellier than “trench foot” until stumbled upon “jungle rot.” No wonder the U.S. ‘s attitude towards WWI for the first 3 years was “No, thanks, fellas. I’m gonna take a pass on this one.”
2. The Italian Renaissance: So much painting and sculpting tends to mean one thing: “Oops, forgot to wash.” The stagnant water of the Venice canals. The sweltering August Italian heat. Yikes.
1. Apollo Moon Landing. Well, here’s my surprise winner. But let me just say one thing: They didn’t have toilets. I believe the first draft of Kennedy’s moon speech actually said “We choose to go to the moon, not because it is easy, but because it is hard. And I don’t care who has to crap their pants to get there.”
Okay, now THAT’s funny.
And have you noticed the running theme: GUYS.
Stinky Guys in History (what a major, huh?)
You might’ve considered the time of the Great Plague (rotting flesh is a bit foul) but we share a similar take on history! (I can clear it up for you about 2-in-1 shampoo, too, but that’s for another day.)
I don’t think YOUR readers want my just posted list of the best hair care, but I know my readers would crack up at your post — thanks!