Our Annoying World

MY GRADE:

This Wednesday is Obama’s 1st State of the Union address, 1 year and 5 days after taking the oath of office.

And America sits and wonders…

what do I think???

Well, Obama’s first year as president has been a mixed bag in my opinion.  A great deal of talk, not so much in terms of true accomplishment.  Say what you want about George W. Bush, when he was president stuff happened.  Lots of stuff.  Like terrorist attacks.  Devastating hurricanes. World-wide disdain for our country and way of life.

So…

6 Ways Obama needs to be more like George W. Bush:

• Stop being so rational: There’s one thing you have to say about George W. Bush.  He made an impact.  You know — in the same way small pox made an impact on the American Indian.  Or Yoko Ono made an impact on the Beatles.  And what’s the easiest way to make such bold and long-standing impact on the world?  Stop thinking so much!  Stop with all the contemplation and in-depth analysis.  I’m sure somewhere buried in the clutter of the Oval Office is the Magic 8 Ball that George W. inevitably used to make all of his major policy decisions.  Shake and it and let fate decide!

• Find a disaster and hook your agenda to it: George W. had 9/11, which he turned into a giant game of Mad Libs: Wait for a national crisis, let us grieve a few days, use said crisis as a fill-in-the-blanks justification for fulfilling your own agenda (invading Iraq, completing daddy’s mission).  Thankfully Obama doesn’t have a 9/11.  Outside of Haiti (which doesn’t count for Mad Lib justifications because it didn’t happen on American soil) I guess the worst U.S. disaster of the past 12 months is the runaway popularity of The Jersey Shore.  And if Obama can figure out how to parlay that into passing his Healthcare bill, well, I say re-elect him tomorrow!

• Play the religion card: Jesus told George W. to run for president.  Then he told him to invade Iraq.  But apparently Jesus doesn’t have such a high ranking in Obama’s cabinet.  Something to reconsider, Barack.  I mean, I realize you’re a double-secret undercover Muslim and all but you’d be surprised how many red-staters and tea baggers will jump on the bandwagon if they hear that J.C. is calling the shots.

• Let your crazy Vice President run amuck:  I’m not saying Dick Cheney exceeded his implied power and influence as Vice President but I will say this –  if George W. and Dick C. were, say, a gay couple, George would’ve been the “bottom.”  Maybe it’s time for Obama to embrace his VP’s inner kookiness and let him run things for awhile.  Also, just thinkin’off the top of my head — you may wanna have Joe Biden shoot someone in the face.  It seems an effective point of distraction.  A cleansing of the palette.  A political sorbet, if you will.

• Don’t listen to anyone: Above all else, this is what George W. did best.  With the Patriot Act, Iraq, Katrina, Guantanamo Bay — nobody proved to be better at taking the pulse of the American people and then completely disregarding it.

• Stop reading so darn much: And I don’t just mean “stop reading criticism of your administration.”  I mean don’t read.  Period.  Time. Newsweek.  Tiger Beat.  Nothing.  G.W. was our first functionally illiterate President and, well, it seemed to save him a lot of time to pursue other things.  Like napping.  And invading.  And choking on pretzels.

Last thought, Barack.  Just spit-balling here, mind you.  I have an idea that will practically guarantee an immediate political upswing (at least in Massachusetts)   Two words:

Cosmo Spread.

This entry was posted on Monday, January 25th, 2010 at 3:06 pm and is filed under I'm just sayin'. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.