The success of late-night infomercials is truly a phantom phenomenon to me. I have never bought anything off of a television infomercial. I don’t know anybody who’s ever confessed to me that they’ve bought anything off of a television infomercial.
Yet informercial products makes 100 billion dollars a year. Which can only mean one thing:
Someone is buying this crap.
So I thought it might be interesting to peruse some of today’s hottest items:
Well, admittedly I’m not the key demographic for this product. But I do wonder about something — the cleavage clip attaches to the back of your bra strap to help lift up your boobs. Makes sense, I guess. I mean who doesn’t enjoy a healthy set of well-balanced, perfectly calibrated hooters?
But it does pose one question – if your bra isn’t holding up your breasts in the first place, instead of buying the Cleavage Clip shouldn’t you just buy a better bra?
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The Eye Vac: F
This product may be the very definition of “ill conceived.” It’s basically a standing garbage can with a slot at the bottom so that you can sweep dirt and dust into it. Then it vacuums up the dirt. In no time you’ll have the privilege of emptying the dirt-ridden Eye Vac and dumping its filthy contents into a trash can.
To clarify — this breakthrough machine has managed to combine three of your least favorite household tasks — sweeping, vacuuming, and emptying the trash – into one incredibly tedious chore! Thank you, Eye Vac! Now get back to work — I hear you’re developing a swell new device — the Dishwasher/laundry machine/ironing board/rectal thermometer.
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Snuggie For Dogs: C
“When making your dog wear a sweater isn’t quite humiliating enough!”
This is a confusing product. Don’t dogs wear “snuggies” 24/7? I think it’s called… “fur.”
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Urine Gone: n/a
Thankfully, I have no use for this. But I do admire the name. No mincing words with this item. If you have some urine and you’d like it to be gone, this is the product for you!
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The Chia Obama: A+!!!
Apparently, the Chia Obama was quite controversial when it debuted last year and within weeks it was pulled off the shelves at Walmart. And I must admit, my reaction when seeing the infomercial for the first time was “Ooooh, that’s kind of wrong.” Because when you first watch time-lapse video of tiny sprouts blossoming from the 6 inch ceramic head of the leader of the free world your gut instinct is question whether there’s a lack of respect there.
But then you realize how awesome it is. And you order 6 of them.
I can’t believe people buy so much of this junk. Though I have to say I have bought my fair share of “as seen on tv” items in CVS. The smooth away was shit… but I do kind of like my snuggie. I was disapointed to find out what Urine Gal was… I was hoping for something more interesting. But a Chia Obama>???? Yes please!!