MY GRADE: 
An interesting aspect of the “healthy fast food” phenomenon is the proliferation of salsa bars. God only knows why we’re so smitten. If someone had told me 20 years ago that I would choose one restaurant over another because they allowed me an unlimited supply of free condiments to take home in tiny plastic cups I wouldn’t have believed them. But I guess, when it comes down to it, free salsa is like a Happy Meal for adults. Read the rest of this entry »
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Food & Food-esque substances | Tagged: baja fresh, free salsa, pico de gallo, salsa | 
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Posted by David
I thought it would be just too darned easy to write an entire blog entrry on how bafflingly unathletic and mundane Curling seems to the untrained eye. I’ll let this small YouTube clip speak for itself (Okay, I lied. I do need to say this — when sweeping a broom is the most strenuous part of your event, perhaps you’re not a sport. When your “athletes” were born during the Great Depression, perhaps you’re not a sport.)
Here are some new sports I’d like to see replace Curling in 2014: Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | I'm just sayin' | Tagged: curling, new winter olympic sports, vancouver 2010 winter olympics | Permalink
Posted by David
MY GRADE:
I have a secret to share with you. I see everything in 3-D. That’s right — everything. I have ever since I was a small boy. I don’t even have to wear the glasses most of the time. It’s just there — the world popping out at me. And I gotta say — it’s pretty darn cool. If I’m standing in the middle of the freeway it actually looks like the cars are COMING RIGHT AT ME. How much does this effect cost me? 0 dollars. That’s right. I don’t pay a penny for it.
Now apparently the rest of the world isn’t as fortunate. Because ya’ll seem to go head over heels nutso whenever a new movie comes out in 3-D. Sometimes you’ll pay up to 30% extra for a movie ticket just so you can see stuff flying straight at you — like Superman or James Cameron’s giant blue Smurfs or Robert DeNiro’s mole.
So why don’t I care for 3-D movies? Well, it’s simply this. Any film producer can write a big-assed check and get themselves a big ol’heaping scoop of 3-D. Where’s the risk in that? Where’s the mystery of the creative process?
Handing a blank check to Judd Apatow or Quentin Tarentino or Wes Anderson is where filmmaking gets more gutsy and interesting to me. Sure, you expect those talents to deliver a decent story, well-crafted filmmaking, laughs, tears, seat-of-your pants thrills, but you can’t be certain. You could end up with Grindhouse. Or Life Aquatic. Or two and a half hours of Judd Apatow’s daughter’s ballet recital.
But that’s the true wonder of movies. The great mystery of motion pictures is why you can assemble a team of artists at the top of their game and yet only some of those movies “work” and others just sooo do not work.
Going to see a 3-D movie, on the other hand, is like paying someone $15 to flick on a light switch. It’s not wondrous. It’s not surprising. And it’s no longer awe-inspiring.
So instead of getting all excited about the next empty 3-D spectacle, let’s root for some gutsy producer to unearth the next Spielberg or Coppola or Scorsese.
3-D is everywhere. But true movie magic is hard to find.
1 Comment | Silly Trends and Proclivities, Technology Out Of Control | Tagged: 3D, 3d movies | Permalink
Posted by David
1 Comment | Media Ridiculousness | Tagged: 2010 Winter Olympics, Olympic Ice Skating, Opening Ceremonies of the Olympics | Permalink
Posted by David
GRADE: C+
Nothing says “My level of attraction to you has plummeted so far I might as well completely desexualize you” better than this clever gift! Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | Uncategorized | Tagged: crappy valentine's day gifts, male lingerie, valentines day | Permalink
Posted by David
“You Complete Me” T-Shirts
GRADE: D
Also popular? The “I’m breaking up with you because you bought us creepy matching T-shirts” T-Shirt. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | I'm just sayin' | Tagged: unromantic gifts, valentines day, worst valentines day gifts | Permalink
Posted by David
MY GRADE: 
I promised myself I wouldn’t get upset. I’ve always known that for some stupid reason (I’m going to blame Nixon, why not?) our deal with China has always been that we lease the Pandas, we can’t own them. Even the ones that are born and bred in the United States must go back to China when they reach a certain age.
Leave a Comment » | I'm just sayin' | Tagged: china, mei lan, national zoo, pandas, tai shan | Permalink
Posted by David
When legendary author and recluse J.D. Salinger passed away last week at the age of 91, after nearly 55 years of seclusion, it made quite a splash. Especially if you consider that he hasn’t published a new work of fiction in 45 years.
The fact that many media outlets made a big deal about his death must have been incredibly frustrating to agents, publicists, reality T.V. stars and other media whores because it flies against the face of everything they believe: that the only way to be make an impact in life is through TELEVISION FACE-TIME.
But J.D. Salinger proved very much the opposite. Sure, he wrote a handful of classic books (although the New York Times as recently as 2009 has argued that the impact of Catcher in the Rye is negligible for today’s teen — yet another reason for me to dislike Generation Zzz) but much of what Salinger is famous for is what he refused to embrace — celebrity, fame, media saturation.
It was a brilliant ploy — especially since it wasn’t a ploy at all, just the way he wanted to live his life. I can think of no other artist who has attempted this disappearing act by his or her own volition and come out looking better for it. These days, celebs don’t willingly vanish with their dignity intact– they either cling to scraps and shadows of their previous fame, or occasionally they die young and make a “profound” impression that way.
*Really, the McRib is the only celebrity who’s followed in Salinger’s footsteps, and let’s face it, the McRib is not so much a person as it is a sandwich.
So in the spirit and purity of J.D. Salinger, I propose that some famous writer/actor/actress/celebrity/politician choose J.D.’s path to enlightenment and GO THE F–K AWAY. Here are my top five candidates to Salingerize themselves:
Leave a Comment » | Media Ridiculousness | Tagged: cather in the rye, celebrities, conrad murray, j.d. salinger, toby maguire | Permalink
Posted by David
The mixed reception of Apple’s new doohicky-gizmo-thingamabob, the iPad has made me re-evaluate several things:
What do we “need”? What do we want? What do we feel obligated to own to keep up in the modern world?
Here’s a little personal history of my own attachment to gadgets.
I didn’t own a cell phone until April of 1999. I think that’s pretty late in the game, right? (At least, for someone who was under the age of 75) Eleven years later, I so attached to my cellphone that I sometimes have trouble remembering what life was like before it:
“So I guess if we wanted to talk to someone we had to, like, make plans to talk on the phone? Is that how we did it?” Did I used to go around saying things like “I’ll call you later. At 10:45 am.” Weird.
I first browsed the internet in 1995 via AOL and I can even recall my first words in a chat room: “Are we on the world wide web?”
I wasn’t even sure. (It’s funny how things fade in and out of vogue. Do people still congregate in chat rooms? Or are we all too busy tweeting to Wolf Blitzer on CNN instead? Has cable news become one giant chat room instead?)
Back to my own timeline: Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | Technology Out Of Control | Tagged: apple, future technology, ipad, smartphones, steve jobs | Permalink
Posted by David
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