MY GRADE: 
I promised myself I wouldn’t get upset. I’ve always known that for some stupid reason (I’m going to blame Nixon, why not?) our deal with China has always been that we lease the Pandas, we can’t own them. Even the ones that are born and bred in the United States must go back to China when they reach a certain age.
So Tai Shan and Mei Lan are going back to China today. They’re leaving their birth home in the National Zoo in Washington D.C. and I don’t think they’re happy about it. I’ve even heard rumors that Tai Shan is acting out — taunting the D.C. zookeepers “You’re not the boss of me. China will let me stay out late on a school night!”
And it’s hard to blame the furry delights for their bad attitude. After all, they’re the product of a broken home. One parent, China, barely gets along with the other parent, America. So instead of having a stable environment to grow up in they’re carted back and forth across the globe.
Everyone is upset. The pandas. The kids. Certain bloggers. So I propose this–
Screw China. Let’s keep the pandas.
Let’s face it. We’re going to end up at war with China someday no matter what we do. Our cultures will always clash. They’re communists. We’re a democracy. They eat Chinese food. We eat sushi. They play Chinese checkers. We prefer Hungry Hungry Hippo. The differences are vast and deep.
So if we’re already headed towards an inevitable conflict with China, why does it have to be over something silly and frivolous like nuclear disarmament, political beliefs, human rights violations, defective toys, or tainted baby formula.
Let’s annihilate each other over something worthwhile:
CUTENESS!!!
