The old saying goes “everyone thinks they’re a critic.” But I contend, what everyone really thinks is that they know what the future will be like.
Well, guess what?
We’ve shot past 1984, 2001 — heck, even 2001′s ugly step-child sequel 2010 is soon to pass.
And if there’s one thing that countless sci-fi movies, television shows and books have proven it’s that nobody knows a damn thing…
WHAT THEY GOT WRONG:
Clothing. It’s not getting tighter and more uniform like on Star Trek. It’s getting baggier (as in, below-ass pants and “shorts” that go down to your ankles) and frankly, kinda random and ugly (I’m looking at you, Ed Hardy!)
Sidenote: Prince now says the internet is dying. But then again, 25 years ago he thought Morris Day and The Time’s new dance craze “Oak Tree” was going to sweep the nation (“spread yo branches, you know what to do!”) so he’s been known to be… um… very wrong.
We all know this new century’s biggest disappointment: no flying cars. Well, unless you consider certain models of Toyota which don’t fly so much as refuse to stop. Sorta the same thing, I guess.
Sex robots. Not a reality (as far as I know). Who thought that in this quasi-futuristic day and age goats would still be the pervert’s sex partner of preference?
A new Karate Kid??? I gotta say, I never saw that coming. Why would we need a new one? The old one is 48 and still refuses to age. (no joke!)
Twinkies are still around. No, I’m not talking about the brand name. I’m talking about the Twinkies in my cupboard. Still as fresh as the day I bought them in 1983.
For awhile, in the 1980′s at least, it seemed that everyone was so interested in making T.V.s really small. T.V.s for your watch, T.V.’s to carry around like a radio. I had figured by now they would be the size of the postage stamp. Wrong. My T.V. is so large it could crush an elephant (in stunning HD!)
Faxing. It was always awkward, ugly, unreadable. Undignified. And it still refuses to die. I’m telling you people, we will never get our friggin’ flying cars if we don’t give the hell up on faxing once and for all!
Lots of first names with Z’s and X’s in it. We were all supposed to have them by now. I guess this was an notional-offshoot based on the assumption that aliens would have landed and we’d be mating with them and naming our children Zorgax and Xanzy.
Atomic monsters? Nope. No Godzillas, Mothras, Gameras. All we have to show for the nuclear age is this giant tomato:
Cure for the common cold? Nope. Cheese Stuffed Crust Pizza? Sure, we got that!
And while we’re on the topic of food science. The (present day) “future’s” biggest crushing disappointment, according to me:
Seedless watermelon. Why? Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because you’re NOT REALLY SEEDLESS???
You’ve replaced black seeds with white seeds! How is this seedless?!!!
If I had a flying car right now I’d go for a long fly just to calm myself down.
